a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize