I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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