if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
