you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
