They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
