Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize