I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
