So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
