Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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