I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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