I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
