The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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