We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
