I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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