when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
