He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
