I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
