would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
