I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I need to stop coming to work sober
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
