Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
