you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
