I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
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My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize