I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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