We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
When are your genitals available?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
