I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
