i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
