im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Blood and glitter go together right?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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