my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
