this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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