saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
