dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
A bitchslap is in order.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
