we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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