I just threw up on my dentist
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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