He is an equal opportunity slut.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
time to smoke my breakfast
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
