an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
