Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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