he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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