Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
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I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
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Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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