I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
