O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
