I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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