so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
