Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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