just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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