He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
