I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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