Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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