Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I understand Curling. That high.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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