Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
