so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
