Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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