Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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