Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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