I seem to have left my pride at pride
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
