Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
