My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
