you traded sex for a burrito?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
