go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
