I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There r osticjed everywhere
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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