paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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