Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
