Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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