I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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