dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
