I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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