when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
