i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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