I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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