tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
